thinking off

captured Feb 2012

I do my thing and you do your thing.
I am not in this world to live up to your expectations,
And you are not in this world to live up to mine.
You are you, and I am I,
and if by chance we find each other, it’s beautiful.
If not, it can’t be helped.

Fritz Perls, “Gestalt Therapy Verbatim,” 1969


We walked for miles. We strolled through residential neighborhoods that were eerily perfect. We were trespassing on a movie set about how “the other half” lives. Cars matched their houses. We didn’t come from such a manicured upbringing. Where I’m calling from is a place that bragged about its austerity.

There have been many days, far too many, when you tell me to breathe. The calming technique of composing emails in my mind as I try to sleep isn’t working and neither is remembering to breathe. The tightness in my chest is beginning to feel good, which is really bad. Hedonism is our weekend priority. I have no way to properly repay you. The debt is that high.

The found fortune read: You will soon gain something you have always wanted. It’s within this dichotomy of want and need that I struggle. This journey feels mutually exclusive but the destination of finding a complementary way to live an authentic life is what I’ve always wanted.

Be my tug boat captain. And I will be yours.

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