Keep Your Legs Crossed

The newly revised Department of Health and Human Services “Abstinence Only” message will soon apply to unmarried adults up to age 29. This means millions of federal dollars are up for grabs in social programs advocating that abstinence is the only method of [non]sexual activity for mature adults in non-married relationships.

According to Wade Horn, Assistant Secretary of HHS, “The message is ‘It’s better to wait until you’re married to bear or father children. The only 100% effective way of getting there is abstinence.” Horn said the revision will target the post-teen angst crowd because “more unmarried women in that age group are having children.” Implying that the burden of responsibility lie squarely on the actions of women. Teaching the chaste life will be difficult in a culture dedicated to instant gratification, hypersexualization, and hypocritical morality.

The message of “better wait until you’re married” translates into a paternal ideology of unprecedented proportions. Despite the overwhelming evidence that over 90% of the population by age 29 have had sexual intercourse, the state will preach that by not doing anything (pre-walking down the aisle of course) lives will be improved. Certainly not a new strategy in the current administration’s paralyzing stay-the-course philosophy.

Rumor has it the HHS is working with Hollywood on a prequel to the 40-year old virgin.

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