Freedom is Sexy

Those lucky few that could afford to attend the multiple Inauguration Balls, were privy to the Freedom Martini.

A tasty drink signifying the buzz word of the week.

The “Freedom” martini:

1. Blue curaao
2. Vodka
3. Vermouth
4. A raspberry (if you lean to the right) or a blueberry (if you swing to the left)

Now that you’ve experienced what freedom tastes like, let your ears hear the latest revolution.

It is refreshing to know that as we experience life in the 21st century, the technological possibilities that improve our quality of life are endless.

Moantones:

Jenna Jameson, best selling author of How to Make Love Like a Porn Star: A Cautionary Tale,¬†is now penetrating the Latin American “Moantone” market. Partnering with Wicked Wireless¬†Jenna describes why moans are a multicultural bridge:

“We’ll provide [moantones] in the universal language of sexy sighs recognized around the world but with our own personal touch. The technology is way beyond most of us, but the bottom line is that you’ll able to hear the other Jenna’s Web Girls moan and me when your phone starts to ring. We’ll also provide audio content in Spanish plus photos and text features.”

Living in the 21st century is even better than I could have imagined! Now when I’m walking through the grocery store, riding the bus, or standing in line ordering my coffee I can hear sexy sighs and orgasmic yelps from the stranger behind me.

But what happens when two people download the same moantone and by sheer coincidence their phones ring at the same time? Will the signified tone be understood by the right owner? Will the owner recognize their ringing object?

Blurring the lines between public spaces and private moments can only lead to bridging cultural barriers.

"Intellectual Tsunamis"

1. Miss Educated

Harvard’s president, Lawrence H. Summers, is a provocative thinker. He thinks women are less capable of succeeding in math, science, and engineering due to essential differences. Men are naturally better at these subjects. Women’s brains aren’t capable of long difficult mathematical formulas or figuring out why men still believe in sexist 17th century dogma. It must be due to our brains inability to focus on subjects and ideas other than children and being good wives. Send him an email to voice your thoughts.
2. “America’s Future Rocks Today: A Call To Service”Bush’s daughter, Barbara, has her finger on the pulse of today’s youth.

But of course! She’s young, rich, Republican, and a member of the Bush royalty. Barbara helped plan the concert “America’s Future Rocks” – a pre-inaugural event this week. Such super star performers as: Hilary Duff, Ryan Cabrera, Ruben Studdard, JoJo, 3 Doors Down, and Fuel were all rocking for America’s future. Lucious activities such as skateboarding, teaching science to girls (take that Mr. Summers!), and tons of informational literature regarding the White House’s Faith Based and Community Initiatives. Apparently a DJ even threw Girl Scout cookies to the crowd. Rawk!

Punk is not dead. Punk is not dead. Punk is not dead.

3. Bikini Kill

If you don’t want to get your Sports Illustrated’s Swimsuit edition:

Call 1-866-228-1175

Join .8% of the others who demand sports in their Sports Illustrated.

4. A Change of Heart?

Norma McCorvey, aka Jane Roe, has asked the Supreme Court to overturn Roe v Wade on grounds that it hurts women and their unborn babies.

Keep your enemies close.

Access Denied: Contraceptive History

I was fortunate enough to view the “largest retrospection on contraception ever assembled.” The traveling History of Contraception stopped at Case Western Reserve University in Cleveland, OH. While the collection was certainly unique (who keeps their used contraceptive devices?), a lack of cultural context was desperately missing. Cheerfully stating, “you will see the creativity and ingenuity employed in the absence of today’s knowledge and readily available, safe and effective products.” Readily available, safe and effective? Last time I checked, the lack of safe, inexpensive and most importantly, reliable birth control was novel science fiction lost in the bureaucracy of moral values.

Sponsored by Janssen-Ortho, Inc. (a Canadian pharmaceutical company whose parent company is Johnson & Johnson) the exhibit displays various methods of contraceptives – from the candy wrapper as condom to the exotic dried weasel testicle. The journey from torturous, often deadly concoctions (lead and mercury), to our modern day miracle, the pill, summed up centuries of women’s attempts to control their fertility, their bodies, and their lives.

Most noticeable was the lack: the lack of politics, the lack of abortive methods, and the lack of women’s voices. Nearly every device displayed related to suppressing women’s fertility, yet their agency was delegated to the masculine science that “improved” with each generation’s knowledge. The desperation that many of the devices exhumed was quickly passed over to continue the tidy progression of history.

Considering the climate of today’s cultural “values,” I was honored to have seen the display. It is rare to witness such items in a public setting (for free!). Knowing that women have always employed ingenious methods and desperate desires to manipulate their fertility was both empowering and a little depressing.

Here’s to our eggs surviving the next century!

Feminist Reality

You must read Bitch Magazine. A fabulous and s-m-r-t magazine for the sophisticated feminist.

Case in Point:

Wendy Weiner’s expose about uber-reality shows such as Survivor, Colonial House, and Frontier House lack of reality is a must read.

What do these women do when they are menstruating? Despite the grand posturing of real life dramas and constructed challenges, the inherent lack of such bodily truisms makes for dull television. Imagine how much easier the plot would flow. Feminine hygiene products have all sorts of useful functions out on a tropical island. Wings were the greatest invention of the 20th century. At the very least, normalizing a real event in women’s lives could do us all some good.

Realistic portrayals of women would be nice too.
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Other reality news: Germaine Greer has left the British Big Brother after only 5 days. Declaring the show “poisonous crap”, she left the “fascist prison.” As an underworked and unknown feminist, I would gladly take her place. Think of the book and movie deals….I’d be bigger than Gloria Steinem – maybe even bigger than Mary Magdalene .

"A New Kind of War"

Interesting account of a little hero named tampon:
Houston Marine Moms save lives with tampons

Posted By: David Benzion on http://www.lonestartimes.com

Here is the email discussed during Dan Patrick’s interview of Becky Williams, a Houston area Marine mom.

(post is edited for length)

He told me how wonderful the care packages were and wanted me to tell everyone thank you.

He said that one guy we’ll call “Marine X” did get a girl care package and everyone was giving him a hard time. My son said, “Marine X got some really nice smelling lotion and everyone really likes it, so everytime he goes to sleep they steal it from him.”

I told my son I was really sorry about the mistake, and if he wanted I would send Marine X another package. He told me not to worry aboutMarine X because everytime I send something to him Marine X thinks it’s for him too.

My son said they had the most fun with Marine X’s package.

Then of course, they had the tampons. When he brought this up my imagination was just running wild, but I let him continue. My son said they had to go on a mission and Marine X wanted the chapstick and lotion for the trip. He grabbed a bunch of the items out of his care package and got in the humvee.

As luck would have it he grabbed the tampons, and my son said everyone was teasing him about “not forgetting his feminine hygiene products.” My son said things were going well, and then the convoy was ambushed. He said a Marine in the convoy was shot.

He said the wound was pretty clean, but that it was deep. He said they were administering first aid but couldn’t get the bleeding to slow down, and someone said, “Hey use Marine X’s tampons.” My son said they put the tampon in the wound.

At this point my son profoundly told me, “Mom did you know that tampons expand?” “Well, yeah!” They successfully slowed the bleeding and got the guy medical attention. When they went to check on him later the surgeon told them, “You guys saved his life.” If you hadn’t stopped that bleeding he would have bled to death.

My son said, “Mom, the tampons sent by the Marine Moms by mistake saved a Marines life.” At this point I asked him, “Well what did you do with the rest of the tampons?” He said, “Oh, we divided them up and we all have them in our flak jackets, and I kept two for our first aid kit.”

Bloody Crusades

Tony Andrade, the very same person who was instrumental in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s rise to political fame, is on a crusade. Limiting even the most basic corporeal information, Andrade desires a world where sex education is normalized to reflect only one heterogeneous ideology.

He seeks a ban on sex education from kindergarten until 6th grade. Most sex education, including menstrual education, begins in 5th grade. Students who are older must get written parental notification for each deviant lecture.

The nightmare goes something like this: Girls learning about menstruation construct false sexualized narratives regarding their newfound precocious sexuality. Some are smart enough to discover where babies really come from and *gasp* how they are produced! Fornication and lust driven behavior surely will follow – some even like it!

Boys discover that their bodily changes and hormonal lusts are easy targets for trolling gay recruiters.

Logic supports that educating children about their bodies leads to overwhelming sexual desires, which in turn leads directly to immorality. Ultimately, the moral fabric of society is unrecognizable.

I wish I could have had the sex education classes that Mr. Andrade was taught. His version is much more interesting that the vanilla penis/vagina model I grew up with. Knowledge of the flesh is truly a dangerous suggestion.